Prayer, Marlena and the Swear Words

Peggy is a big time prayer warrior.  Sometimes her prayers are answered loud and clear.  Other times, it takes her years to be sure God was serious. 

Like with Days of Our Lives.

We LOVED Days of Our Lives.  During the summer months, or when we had no school, Will and Gin and I watched Days every day with Mom.  We loved the drama, Stefano’s mean antics, the soft core porn, Bo Brady on a motorcycle going to save Hope to the soundtrack of “I need a hero!” 

We LOVED when Marlena went crazy, and lost her memory, and then was sane.  We loved when Marlena was married to Roman, then he disappeared, then he came back from the dead, but uglier.  Then he was really John Black.  But by that point Marlena didn’t care, so she married him anyway.  And it was on LIVE TV.  And Mom and Will and Gin and I all gasped when John Black cried during the wedding and a string of snot came out of his nose down to his lip and when the priest/actor told him to kiss his bride Marlena KISSED HIM ANYWAY.  Even though he had a snotty upper lip!!  EEEW.

But God told Peggy:  Thou Shall Not Watch Days of Our Lives.  And it was so.

At least for a little while.  When we got a little older, God said it was ok again.  By then though, Hope was anorexic, Marlena was possessed by the devil and the show was no good.

At some point, I believe God also asked Peggy to stop saying bad words.

When we were little, the swearing was sort of a creative outlet for her I think.  If my brother Will was misbehaving, instead of yelling his full name: Wesley Willingham Lawton!! like most parents do, she said WilliamTurd Lawton! 

Swear-word placement was critical.

If she was mad at Dad, it was Wes, quit being a FlamingShitAss.  People who cut in front of her in traffic were Sawed-Off-Sons-Of-Bitches.  This went on for years, and got so bad when Jody sat beside me (!) at lunch in the 4th grade, and told me that the worst bad word there was rhymed with duck and started with an F, I begged to differ.  I had never heard that particular bad word, and my Momma said them ALL.

My favorite Peg Swearing Incident took place at the White Room in Greenville.  I had just selected my wedding dress – a glorious Richard Glasgow.  My Victorian grandmother and I were seated on pretty white chairs sipping something.  We had just selected the fabric for my hand-made veil, soft music was playing, and we were luxuriating in the snobbery.

Mom was in the dressing room trying on her mother of the bride dress.  We knew the instant she got it on because we heard her shout “I look GOOD for forty-mother-fuckin-seven-years-old!!”

I think God asked Mom to stop swearing though.  Because she doesn’t do it anymore.  She may have run out of word placement ideas, I’m not sure.