Merry Christmas?

Merry Christmas?

I am trying to have a hap-hap-happy Christmas. And I cannot understand why I am not. All of the necessary elements are there – family, food, presents . . . Baby Jesus. But I swear I have been depressed and anxious all month. Why?

        1.     Gluten?
Is Gluten the reason for my season? Just read an article about gluten and how it causes all manner of ailments. Maybe my gluten-filled diet has my cells all inflamed and my bowels all inflammatory and my mouth all defamatory and derogatory.

I have a strong urge to tell everyone to leave me the hell alone.

The problem is, some of the people who I want to tell to leave me the hell alone are actually PAYING ME to listen to them. Also, many of the people who I want to tell to leave me the hell alone are related to me.

And then if the people actually do leave me alone, I am instantly panicky. Where did everybody go? Does no one love me? Why hasn't my sister called me? When is my husband getting home?

Clearly, the Gluten diet makes you anxious with people and also without them.

2.     WalMart?

WalMart is depressing this time of year. When you're in there, your eyes zip zip zip from item to item. Impulse buys abound. Don't buy the WalMart peppermint bark. You will eat it all and you will hate yourself and that won't help the BabyJesusBirthdayBlues.

You go to WalMart to buy fun stuff like presents for your nieces and nephews. Problem is regular life goes on in spite of the holidays so you also have to buy monotony – Qtips. Coffee.

Watching the Barbie doll slide down the conveyor belt right next to the string cheese is depressing. They should have a different line for people who are giddy after picking out an X Box game. Giddy people should not have to stand next to people buying dog food. It's just not right.

     3.     Warfare?

The same battles are fought every year.  First, the TV battles. Did so-and-so refer to the tree as a Holiday Tree and not a Christmas Tree?!? Who is helping us fight this war on Christmas? That pretty blond on Fox is all upset about this, which makes me anxious. What will it take to make that lady happy?

Then, the battle for TIME. How am I going to get it all done? How am I going to see all the necessary people and wrap all the necessary gifts? How am I going to earn a living during all this so we can pay off the credit card? How am I going to get the GirlKid to her party and the BoyKid to his party and be sure they have a clean shirt on and no boogers on their faces before each party?

How am I going to make the anonymous lady happy? The lady whose name is on the Angel Tree at church and has told me nothing about herself except she is a Size Medium? Does this lady have a favorite color? Does she appreciate a heavy sweater or does she find them too itchy? Does she like perfume? What about earrings . . . would she like some earrings?

4.     Bumping into a Person?

While I am spinning in place, lamenting the fact that only one Christmas tree was erected this year, and that I really am not ever going to put one in the kitchen for all the kids' artsy ornaments, and wondering if I have enough shirt boxes, enough stocking stuffers, enough time to look presentable so the ONE PICTURE TAKEN OF ME EACH YEAR IS DECENT . . . I typically bump into a person.

This person's name differs from year to year, but their expression is the same. The person is sad.  This person knows loss. A kind of loss I have been up close to and seen with my own eyes, but have not yet felt on a devastating scale. This person's Christmas will include ALL of the necessary elements, food - - classic movies - - ugly sweaters - - candles - - but they won't be stressed about it. They will just be sad.

Someone will be missing. Someone who got on their nerves every year, who invaded their personal space and talked too much. Maybe someone who created drama, or created poundcake. This someone may have been "hard to buy for." This someone may have snored in a way that echoed through the entire house. This someone took so much TIME and energy. This someone required whole milk and not 2%. This someone was helpful, suggesting ways to clean the microwave, rearrange the living room, or understand current events.

This someone is gone.

And the person who misses their someone really just wants that someone around, even if it takes TIME . . . especially if it takes time.

A Christmas Prayer

 

God, help me.

Help me remember to thank Peggy.

Help me remember to hug my husband.

And my kids God.

Oh God, my kids are noisy and smelly. They break stuff.

God they are so spoiled rotten. (Their Daddy has ruined them).

God help me, help me, help me enjoy all of my someones this Christmas.

Thank you for the someones.

And thank you in advance for January.

I do so love January.

Especially the January magazines God.

Thank you for all the DeClutter and Get Organized Themed January issues.

The photos of those organized cabinets and closets are like salve to my scattered, over-decorated and war-torn Holiday Christmas mind.

You know how much I like to throw stuff out.

And it will be good.

Amen